There are a lot of submissions here, but this one
is our favorite.
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Editor's Note: The words were not specified. We're pretty sure they were going to be "jock itch."
Date: Thu Feb 25 18:56:48 EST 1999 Name: (this person requested to remain anonymous) Your FAQ page made my entire week. I wish I was a wealthy producer so I could offer you a job writing and starring in a new TV show! Can't you just picture it: Two witty-as-hell goths, traveling around the country in their black-and-purple motorhome, camera filming their "real world" adventures? Maybe the audience could hear your unspoken thoughts as well. No laugh track would be necessary! If I'd been wearing enough "whiteface" it would have cracked, my smile was so huge. Thanks for taking the time to write this page.
Date: Thu Mar 25 00:08:51 EST 1999 Name: Monika E-Mail: LiadanRose@davidbowie.com Homepage: Hi! I liked your FAQ page. Finally, a FAQ that is amusing and doesn't soak in the spookiness of being goth. It's gotten so trendy! I think the people who feel they are goth, that follow their little freaky friends in a backwards way of clown makeup and streaky hair, gives being goth a bad connotation. I don't mean you must fill a long list of prerequisites to be goth, just please don't make a fool of yourself because that will reflect on everyone else.
Date: Sun Mar 28 02:03:35 EST 1999 Name: Euan E-Mail: euan@cheeseplant.org Homepage: Oi. English pubs might close at 11pm, the ones up here in Scotland don't. :) So not ALL British goths have early closing! :) Cheers
Date: Mon Mar 29 11:38:54 EST 1999 Name: Erin E-Mail: ktashin@yahoo.com Homepage: I laughed, I cried, I laughed again! Truely amusing FAQ list.
Date: Sun Apr 11 23:38:22 EDT 1999 Name: D. Marvin E-Mail: Homepage: http://www.coldburialsystem.com/veinke/ Good work; very humourous, unfortunately very true!
Date: Thu Apr 22 00:49:50 EDT 1999 Name: Daniel E-Mail: funkyant@aol.com Homepage: forgot Me and my friend went to this goth club one time and all the goths did this special dance when they played "Bella Lugosis Dead". They were all dancing around one of the guys who was lying down on the floor like he was dead or something. It was the dorkiest thing I've ever seen in my life.. that was 6 months ago and we're still laughing~ Hey it seems to me like the good looking goths and the fat ugly ones get along pretty well. I saw this butt ugly guy.. he looked like Tiny Tim except 50 lbs heavier. And there were these two hot goth babes hanging all over him. Shit I was jealous. I see that all kind of shit all the time in the goth scene. Some fat chick hanging out with a decent looking guy. Or vice-versa. Well see ya.
Date: Thu Apr 22 08:15:55 EDT 1999 Name: I don't know E-Mail: leavemealone@aol.org Homepage: You people SUCK I got 2 words for you
Editor's note: Real goths are neither pagans nor christians. We worship polynesian tiki gods, and we have complex and beautiful religious ceremonies that involve having frozen drinks in tiki bars while listening to Hawaiian music and complaining that the scene isn't what it used to be.
Date: Sat May 1 06:14:42 EDT 1999 Name: Anthony Gutierrez E-Mail: clever@purdue.edu Homepage: I have known ever since I was a child that I was somehow connected to the Gothic, but I feel very little in common with a typical "Goth". It seems to me that most Goths are more interested in Gothic Paganism whereas I am more interested in Gothic Christianity. Although I am currently an agnostic, I was raised Catholic. I know this has served as a catalyst for me, but I would assume that many Goths were raised Catholic as well. Would you be willing to say anything about Gothic Paganism vs. Christianity and my assumption regarding Catholicism from a Goth point of view? Thanks.
Editor's note: Monks definitely get a bad rap, considering that it's one of the few jobs that involves getting drunk and having sex with other guys. The pay kind of sucks, though.
Date: Mon May 3 15:26:49 EDT 1999 Name: T E-Mail: Celeste_1998@yahoo.com Homepage: Hey, I just wanted you all to know that Jesus cares about you. He loves you, and you can find answers to your problems. I saw a girl on Sally Jessy the other day that said she was depressed and such. I just want you to know that Jesus died for your sins, that you may live eternally. Through Christ living is dying daily and to die is living eternally. John 3:16 says "For God So Loved the World, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not die, but have eternal life. You guys are somebody, and there is at least 2 people you can count on that love you - Me and Jesus. I pray for you daily and I ask that God will show Himself to you. I am not a pusher, I just wanted to relay the message of life to you. You are special and Loved! Know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.....
Date: Sun Jun 6 02:48:06 EDT 1999 Name: Jimmy2 E-Mail: Fuck that. Homepage: SHHHH.... Good God!!! *Dry Heaves* Have you actually looked through the Gothic.net picture gallery in it's entirety? It was like watching the weather channel for 72 hours straight. How could people like that possibly exist? Is there anywhere in the world I could move to where meeting/seeing cellulite in that proportion is an impossibility? This is a sad sad place we live in, I am going to become a monk and live in solitude. Damnit.
Editor's note: If you have to ask, you already know the answer.
Date: Wed Jun 30 18:24:47 EDT 1999 Name: Heather Primm E-Mail: hprimm@aol.com Homepage: none - sorry Just wanted to say this was good for a chuckle at the end of a shitty day -
Date: Tue Jul 6 20:14:31 EDT 1999 Name: Diana Zia E-Mail: Zia@lofidelityallstars.zzn.com Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/area51/meteor/7888 Ok, i have no friends but I'm not some fat, piece of lard ass... am I a loser?
Editor's note: We think you meant to send this to the "Real Hobags FAQ".
Date: Sun Jul 11 11:12:16 EDT 1999 Name: cerys E-Mail: aridale@hotmail.com you forgot Q. is this skirt too short? A. no.
Editor's note: We don't see where you're getting that impression. The word "fat" only appears three times in the entire document: "big and fat and ugly", "a stupid fat nerd", and "big fat stinky booger-adorned loser". The people we're describing with those terms could lose weight... and then they'd be "skinny and ugly", "a stupid skinny nerd" and "a skinny stinky booger-adorned loser". Is that an improvement?
Date: Sat Jul 17 13:00:54 EDT 1999 Name: Baby J E-Mail: baby_j@angelfire.com Homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/me2/babyj Hello. Your FAQ rocks!!! I practically fell off of my chair laughing!!! Finally, a pair of Goths (or ANYONE, for that matter) who can look at their culture and laugh. Though U realize, to teens who have to suffer through living in the suburbs (like ME), Hot Topic is the only store in the mall where one can find black lipstick. Sigh...if only there were any good clubs to go to here in Syracuse, NY....Oh, well, I guess I'll have to settle with the bowling alleys. Keep up the good work!!!
Date: Sat Jul 24 11:16:06 EDT 1999 Name: (This person requested to be anonymous.) You seem to really prejudiced against fat people. It's as if a fat person can't be a goth. Or something.
At any rate, our official stance on being fat is that it's okay if you're fat, as long as you look good and have a good personality. Unfortunately, a sad fact of life is that fat people have a harder time looking good -- but it doesn't mean that it's impossible.
Editor's note: We disapprove of children in general.
Date: Sun Aug 1 00:15:33 EDT 1999 Name: stu E-Mail: kontroverse@yahoo.com Homepage: as if i have enough time for that. finally, somebody came out and told that hairy guy to take off the skirt and makeup. now if he'll only listen...
Date: Fri Aug 13 20:58:49 EDT 1999 Name: Angela E-Mail: Mercy88@yahoo.com Homepage: Ha. I love it. PS: what da ya think of "goths" with kids?
Editor's note: Rocket fuel malt liquor! I said, "Damn!"
Date: Mon Aug 23 01:09:27 EDT 1999 Name: shade E-Mail: shade@bigfoot.com Homepage: If you could figure it out (its pretty blunt) that my last message was a joke! " Goth is what you make it" indeed. Your page is good for a laugh. BTW if that pag e wasnt a joke, man, you guys goth some fucked up view of goth. C you crazy guys later! ~=Shade
Editor's note: The sad part is that we think that this person honestly meant what they wrote. We generally don't give personal advice, but we've decided to make an exception in this case: if u were 2 go 2 the rec0rd st0re in da mall, u could probably find a type o negative or marilyn manson album there. that muzik is dope and da bomb! peace out!
Date: Mon Aug 23 11:34:00 EDT 1999 Name: Lisa E-Mail: Jockey145@cs.com Homepage: I just saw a Tv show about Goths. And it might be somthing i want to get into. B ut i am only 13 and i would just like u 2 tell me all or some about A Goth and d o they sell there music at a normal Music store? or is it somthing u have 2 go to a special place for? pleaes write me
Editor's note: You weren't "born goth". Your mother just told you that because she didn't want to explain your club foot.
Date: Wed Sep 1 17:06:54 EDT 1999 Name: David... E-Mail: la_funeraillerie@chickmail.com Homepage: not yet sorry....but this is weird from you to answer faq like how can i become a goth.. ..we don't become a goth...we born goth.....and the music...( i like music as cl assic music as goth )....the music that somebody listen doesnt make her a goth.. ... but the rest of the site is nice...congrulation!!!
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